American Buddhist Net

"The Mother was in some way guiding me—through a photograph. The pain increased and there were nights when I was lying on the floor surrendering my breath and body to allow whatever was to happen—to let go. It was becoming quite a struggle and finally the only thing that worked was to surrender entirely. One night I simply decide it would be okay if I died. It was clear to me that this was the only way.

This changed my life forever. It was a crisis of the heart. Can I fully love? Can I fully be led by my feelings of trust in something greater than myself? These were the underlying questions. I spent a number of nights needing to reaffirm this surrender until the energy moved steadily upward beyond this testing place. The kundalini was not through working on my heart as there are many levels within the heart that must be opened."

Here is a link to the full text: Learning Meditation, Part Seventeen