American Buddhist Net

With effort, a helping of gratitude can last all year

By Christy Lochrie, Record Searchlight
November 23, 2006

Thanksgiving is one of those stuff-yourself silly holidays. A time when family and friends gather to break bread, socialize and give thanks for a cornucopia of blessings.

Then, quick as you can say after-Thanksgiving sale, the mood passes, the leftovers are stowed and the holiday shopping frenzy is on.

That's tomorrow. We're here today, ready to carve turkeys, dig into mashed potatoes and divvy up pumpkin pie, along with gratitude.

But what is gratitude, besides a thank-you prayer spoken before dinner?

Robert Emmons, a University of California at Davis psychology professor, studies gratitude and has written several books and academic articles on the topic. He calls gratitude the "forgotten factor" in happiness research and concludes that grateful people have a better sense of emotional well-being, stronger social bonds and better overall health.

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"When we are grateful, we acknowledge that we have received a gift," Emmons said in an e-mail interview, adding that it's an appreciation that whatever the gift -- and it can be as simple as natural beauty or kindness -- it was given freely.

M.J. Ryan, author of "Attitudes of Gratitude," who was also part of the Random Acts of Kindness movement, calls gratitude "an emotion" and a "sense of fullness."

"Gratitude is an attitude," said Douglas Craig, a Redding psychologist. Life dishes out plenty of things that might make us feel, at least initially, less than grateful, he said. "Our response is our choice," Craig said.

And the Rev. Kodo Kay of the Shasta Abbey in Mount Shasta, said gratitude is learning to see and appreciate what we have, an integral part of Buddhism.

"We are constantly being shown that we have everything that we need, and we are constantly being offered what we need," Kay said.

Craig said bad things and pain creep into everyone's life.

"The natural thing to do is ... avoid pain," Craig said. "But when we try to avoid pain, we get even more. ... If mental health is accepting life as it is, gratitude is taking it one more step."

But simple as it sounds, learning to be grateful and adjust a thinking pattern that is entrenched in a what's-wrong or what's-missing approach to life takes extra helpings of mental effort.

Ryan said thinking patterns can go on autopilot, with a focus on the negative -- unmet needs or things gone wrong. And in our advertisement-heavy society, where emotional fulfillment is promised with purchased products, the messages can get in the way of a gratitude thought process, Kay said. The trick is to be mindful and learn to focus on the little things, moment by moment.

"Gratitude is about shining the light of appreciation on what is good in your life," Ryan said. "It's like a flashlight. ... It doesn't mean there aren't other things there, it just means that (what you'd like to appreciate and focus on) is what you notice."

Kay offers this example: "The road helps us get from one place to another, even if it has potholes in it. If all you see are the potholes, you're missing the picture. It's constant recognition of what is continually offered to us in these small details of our daily life."

To get to a mental place of gratitude, Emmons suggests keeping a gratitude journal. The act of writing in the journal, as opposed to simply thinking, makes the thoughts more concrete, he said. He also suggests regularly talking with a friend about gratitude and creating a what-I-take-for-granted list to remember little things.

Craig said to look at life in an appreciative manner and do kind things for people. Rather than waiting for something to be grateful about, learn to be grateful for things that have already happened and look for them, he said. Choose your focus, he said.

Ryan echoed Craig. Accept the bad stuff that comes along, she said. And remember to look for what can be appreciated in the day, too, she said.

Kay took the thought a step further.

"Everything is teaching us," Kay said. "We can be grateful for all of our experiences, even the difficult ones, which have within them great teachings. The wanting to see it is what really opens up our ability" to be grateful.

Best of all, gratitude is free, Ryan said. It just takes some mental work and a focus shift to see and appreciate.

"If you could bottle it and if people could buy it at the store, people would be spending zillions of dollars to get it," Ryan said.

Currents reporter Christy Lochrie can be reached at 225-8309 or at clochrie@redding.com

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