American Buddhist Net

Last update: December 18, 2006 – 5:18 PM

Coping with stress or anxiety, now or throughout the year, begins with accepting that these emotions are a natural part of our lives.

By Kim Ode, Star Tribune

Oh, dear friend says, you should try meditation. It's so relaxing,
I hardly know that it's December.

Dear friend means well, of course. But whenever you've tried visualizing a shimmering lake or contemplating a raisin, your brain drifts to cards that lie unaddressed or the holiday competition with your sister that lies in wait. Your failure to achieve inner peace only leaves you feeling more stressed than ever.

Little wonder, said Mark Nunberg, a teacher of mindfulness meditation at Common Ground Meditation Center in Minneapolis. "It's this running away from what's making us feel burdened that is itself stressful," he said. "When you're feeling overwhelmed by the to-do list, the idea is not to reflect on your list, but to really feel what it feels like to be so burdened."

In other words, embrace your stress.

Here's the logic: Once we stop denying, rationalizing or fleeing the duties that threaten to overwhelm us, our minds are occupied only with what's happening at the moment and can start to accept the way things are. "One thing that's really good to say is, 'Oh, this is how it is,' " Nunberg said. Free of all the psychic clutter, our minds start coming up with better choices.

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Nunberg isn't saying this is easy; we're creatures of habit when it comes to glossing over our feelings, putting on a brave face, etc. But by accepting the full weight of our burden, he said, we have a better chance of recognizing that we are, indeed, able to handle it.

Granted, it's ideal to find a block of time amid the daily tumult to meditate. But it's also possible to incorporate such practices into the smallest moments.

Judith Lies, who teaches stress reduction techniques at Seeds of Mindfulness in Minneapolis, describes mindfulness as the practice of having our minds and our bodies in the same place at the same time. In other words, our bodies can only be in the here and now; the trick is to keep our brains from drifting into making judgments about the future or rehashing the past.

This actually may be easier that it sounds. Lies recommends making the most of little moments. For instance, the next time you have a cup of coffee, don't whip out your daily planner. "Just experience the coffee with all of your senses -- the smell of the coffee, the warmth of the coffee, the taste of the coffee, the color," Lies said. "We're actually experiencing the moment rather than figuring out how to fix it."

Other moments: As you walk from the car to the store, be aware of how each step connects with the ground, the sound of the snow crunching under your feet, the coolness of the air in your nostrils. At night when you're taking out the garbage, pause and consider the starlight.

If this all sounds a little too loopy, consider that everyone who has a hobby employs just this sort of focused concentration, Lies said. "Whether you play the piano or do cross-stitch, it's that experience of having 20 minutes to spare but ending up doing it for 40 minutes because you've let go of all the stimuli and expectations and drudgery and allowed yourself to just be."

For some people, though, stress relief may not come from practicing meditation, but from taking concrete action. John D. Preston, a psychologist in California, writes in "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Managing Your Moods" of the need to develop an attitude of compassion for yourself. This doesn't mean feeling sorry for yourself, but knowing that your life deserves to have some meaning. Even more, you are the best person to provide this meaning through some very simple actions.

"For example, instead of just sending a gift to people who have meant a lot to you -- people you think you ought to call someday -- you should actually give them a call," Preston said.

In a similar vein, Preston suggested volunteering for a day at a soup kitchen. "I'm very serious about this," he said, knowing how clichéd that may sound. "When normal human beings have a tough time, whether it's having a parent with Alzheimer's disease, or a kid on drugs, or just people living real lives, it's tough to shut our minds off and meditate. Sometimes, the easier thing is to jump in the car, drive down to the homeless shelter and take concrete action."

After all, he added, "the first noble truth of Buddhism is to be open to the suffering in the world, because it reawakens our compassion." In other words, our ability to accept a warts-and-all world is less stressful than struggling against it, and better for us in the long run.

And yet ... it's tempting to think that this advice would be easier to follow at a less chaotic time of year. Not really, Nunberg said, because the things that cause us stress are crystal clear these days, whether they're parties, family issues or expectations. Once identified, we can turn our gaze inward to explore how we get so invested in things that are out of our control.

Tackling this now also gives us a leg up on next year. "Becoming mindful of yourself is like developing a muscle in your mind, so it's there when you need it," Nunberg said.

Twelve months from now, you may not even know it's December.