By this I mean our deepest levels of meaning, emotion, and intention are either implied or more often concealed from the person(s) we are speaking with.
In professional and formal settings (school, clubs, church, etc.) this is pretty much how it has to be since there is not enough time to delve more deeply and no good reason to do so in most cases.
Problems arise, however, when the arm’s length habits of formal settings are imported into intimate private settings such as close friendships, marriages, families.
Arm’s length communication is effective in formal settings, but its use of reduced messaging techniques in private settings invariably enters gray areas followed by conscious lying.
I think people do this in their private communications mainly because they don’t know how to communicate in any other way. Humans are basically somewhat smart apes who have a fairly complex (for us) communication/language system grafted onto the instincts of a wild animal.
When the inevitable ambiguities and lies of arm’s length communications build up within the intimate communications of couples or close friends, the result will be explosive emotions or alienation and apathy.
The simple arm’s length system is a primitive, basic system for communicating obvious things. To be honest, if you enjoy your communications at work or the clubhouse more than at home, you are basically showing how primitive you are.
In formal settings communication is entirely based on predetermined mutual agreement concerning values, beliefs, etc.
Private settings require much more nuance and thus a much more nuanced communication technique.
FIML is designed for private, intimate communication. It allows partners to open their minds to much richer and much healthier interactions.
You cannot achieve optimum psychological health if you engage only in arm’s length communication. You can only do so by using a technique like FIML that allows you and your partner to consciously share the profound world of interpersonal subjectivity.
FIML takes some time and practice but it is no harder than learning how to ski or cook or play a musical instrument moderately well.
I believe Epstein is alive and well due to motive, means, the above, an implausible death scenario contradicted by autopsy, and a corpse that does not resemble him. Based on this conclusion and similar factors, it looks very likely that Maxwell is also free and a body-double is serving her time in prison. ABN
The foreign ministries of Saudi Arabia, Jordan, the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Indonesia, Pakistan, Egypt, Turkey, Syria, Palestine, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Bahrain, the General Secretariats of the Gulf Cooperation Council for Arab States, the League of Arab States, and the Organization of Islamic Cooperation express their strongest condemnation and gravest concern regarding the statements issued by the United States Ambassador to Israel, in which he indicated acceptance of Israel’s exercise of control over lands belonging to Arab countries, including the occupied West Bank.
The Buddha bucket had a figure making the joint of the bucket handle. That figure was practising the meditation position. He sat on the lotus position (“Padmāsana”). His head flat. Eyes closed and facial expression sank. The decorations on the chests were in the yellow, red, and blue colours. It was the swastika illustrating the front of the Buddha’s cloak. The swastika in Buddism meant luck, good fortune, and blessing.
The Vikings must have met the Buddhists from other regions during their voyages or the newcomers came to Scandinavian countries to trade.
The link provides a reasonable overview of some of the salacious photos and people involved. The real heart of the Epstein files, however, is not the prurient stuff, but the recordings made for blackmail, the money laundering and Israel’s ever-present footprint all over everything. This is not to diminish the suffering of victims but to point out the deep reason they were victimized and recorded. Also of great importance is the total blackout of files before, during and after 9/11; this casts great suspicion on Israel and probably CIA. The Epstein file revelations, which deeply affect public opinion, are not a ‘distraction’ from the impending war with Iran or anything else. Rather, they expose the reason USA is constantly being led around by the nose by Jewish Supremists in Israel and USA. It does seem that in most societies historically and throughout the world, people who rise to the top are morally among the lowest of all sentient beings. ABN
A very small decision I make on many mornings is which coffee cup is going to be mine and which goes to my partner.
The two cups we normally use are the same and I cannot tell one from the other. If I thought one was better than the other, I would give it to her.
What happens is at some point while I take the cups from the cupboard and set them on the counter, I incline toward deciding that one of them will be for me and one for her. This “decision” is so small I describe it as “incline toward deciding.”
As I continue preparing morning coffee, my very small decision about which cup is mine spends more time in my mind. By the time I pour the coffee, I am generally always mildly set on which one is going to be mine for the morning and which hers.
My initial “inclining toward deciding” has changed into my being “mildly set on” which cup is mine. I might even feel a bit possessive toward “my” cup as I pour the coffee.
The main point is that once we make even a very weak decision or incline toward a weak decision it requires energy to change that.
Of course, I do not really care which cup I get and yet I have inclined toward one or decided on one of them. At some point in this process you have to do that.
If I try to change my decision once the coffee is poured and give “my” cup to my partner, I am aware of expending a bit of energy.
The energy required to change which cup is mine is greater than the energy required to decide which cup is mine. I only fell into my initial decision but must climb out of it if I want to change it.
I bet you do this or something like it, too. Just watch yourself and observe it happening. Once you see it, try changing to the other cup or whatever it is you have chosen.
It’s not hard to change your decision but it decidedly requires a little bit of energy. That may be some of the smallest mental energy you will ever exert, but you will have to exert it.
I find I feel a bit awkward when I change my initial decision. It seems my mind is already set at some lower level so the meta-level that changes that does not have the right networking or connections for the transition to be completely smooth. This is the opposite of the initial decision which seems to have required little or no energy. And has managed to grow bigger all on its own, outside of my awareness.
Notice also, if you are like me, you will happily give your partner the better cup if one of them is better. That decision, too, will require energy to change, maybe even more energy than if the cups are the same. This probably happens because if you change your decision to the better cup (for yourself), you will also feel a bit selfish in addition to the above considerations. This will happen even if your partner wants you to change cups.
So either way—changing between two cups that are the same or changing from the worse cup to the better one—you will need to expend a bit of energy, even though your initial decision probably required none at all.
American Buddhist Net 