How to do FIML and why

FIML stands for Functional Interpersonal Meta-Linguistics. It is a method of communication that helps people understand each other better by focusing on the present moment and the contents of their working memories. FIML can be practiced by two or more people who are willing to be honest and respectful with each other.

The basic procedure of FIML is as follows:

  • One person initiates a FIML query by saying a code word, such as “FIML”. This means that they want to ask the other person about something they said or did that caused them some confusion or emotion.
  • The other person responds by describing what was in their working memory at that moment. They do not give a long explanation or interpretation, just a factual description of the few items that were in their working memory.
  • The first person then asks the other person about the exact word or gesture that prompted their query. They both agree on what that was and have a clear and objective understanding of the micro-exchange that occurred between them.
  • The first person then compares their own motivation for initiating the query with the other person’s motivation for their speech or gesture. The first person then corrects their own misunderstanding if there is any and accepts the other person’s description as being correct.
  • By doing this basic Q&A many times, FIML partners will greatly improve their communication while also improving their overall emotional and psychological habits.

The purpose of doing FIML is to improve one’s communication skills and interpersonal relations. By doing FIML many times, one can:

  • Clear up any misunderstandings or assumptions that may arise from ambiguous or unclear micro speech, tone of voice, or gestures.
  • Learn more about oneself and the other person by exploring micro communicative motivations and perspectives.
  • Build trust and intimacy with the other person by being open and attentive to their working memory.
  • Reduce negative emotions and conflicts that may result from miscommunication or misinterpretation.
  • Gradually or quickly eliminate newly arising or ongoing misinterpretations or neurotic responses between partners

The benefits of doing FIML are many and varied. Some of them are:

  • Having a more accurate and realistic view of oneself and the other person.
  • Having a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship with the other person.
  • Having a more efficient and precise way of communicating with the other person.
  • Having a more positive and constructive way of dealing with emotions and problems.
  • Having a more creative and innovative way of using language and meta-language.

FIML is a powerful and effective method of communication that can help people understand each other better and improve their interpersonal relations. It requires honesty, respect, attention, and willingness from both parties. It also requires practice and patience to master. However, the rewards of doing FIML are well worth the effort.

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