Some signs that a person might be interested in FIML and able to do it

Here is a short checklist that might help you assess your own openness to FIML practice or the openness of your SO or other friends. Of course, none of this is written in stone.

  • Practices Buddhism, or understands it and is sympathetic to it; understands and practices mindfulness of speech, listening, and behavior
  • Wants to have best possible communication with SO
  • Likes to use and think about language or human behavior
  • Likes to talk or write
  • Is able to understand language and language use objectively; can see self objectively
  • Enjoys thinking practically about life, existence
  • Has training in the sciences, psychology, linguistics, anthropology, etc.; might be best if self-taught
  • Can think independently
  • Is open about changing their concept of who they are; changing their inner biography
  • Is not fully invested in a subculture that also employs them (most careers, as these require a large investment in time and conformity)
  • Is not so “polite” that there are several yards of pleasant upholstery around them all the time; this sort of person is less likely be truthful or to know what they really think or want
  • Not overly sensitive; able to listen to another point of view without taking it personally; this is especially important because FIML practice requires that partners understand how what they say is being heard and how what they have heard may not be what was intended
  • Is not an alcoholic; we can see again the genius of the Buddha in this; alcoholism causes so much mental dulling it is a profound impediment to FIML practice
  • Does not have a static view of the world and of other people; understands that life is changeable, dynamic; that life is a process; that people are not static fixtures with permanent traits

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