What do you want/need/expect from communication with me?
After they answer, ask them to answer again: What do you want/need/expect from communication with me when our communication is:
- at its best
- below average
- something you cannot put up with?
Then ask: What do you want/need/expect me to want/need/expect from you?
Then ask this question in the context of the four bullet points above.
Then ask them: How do you signal what you want/need/expect?
Then ask them: How do they think you signal what you want/need/expect?
Ask: How much or what sort/level of detail do they want in their communication with you?
What sort of detail do you want?
Try to figure out what both of your core motivations for communication are. How do those motivations help you communicate? How can you optimize your communication?