Problems with FIML and how they can work to our advantage

FIML is not perfect. Here are some of the problems or difficulties with it:

• It takes at least two people to do it
• These two people must care about each other deeply
• It takes a good deal of time
• It requires the formation of new mental skills
• It is hard to learn without instruction
• It requires that partners have at least some interest in language and how they communicate
• It goes against much or most cultural conditioning
• It requires high ethical standards

One or more of these difficulties will stop some people from doing FIML. There is not much we can do about that.

At the same time, these same difficulties can be an advantage. As is said in Buddhism, they may constitute “negative conditions that lead to progress.”

For example, FIML practice not only requires high ethical standards, it also shows us how to get those standards and why they work.

If you have at least some interest in language and communication, FIML practice will hone and increase it.

FIML does take time, but it is time well spent. You will enjoy many intriguing conversations with your partner that would not have been possible without FIML.

While FIML does require that we form some new mental skills, those skills are very beneficial and will work in many other situations.

FIML practice does pull partners away from subconscious cultural conditioning, but in doing that it also liberates them to form a subculture of their own, based on conscious choice.

Since it employs mindfulness, self-control, and rational analysis of thought and feeling, FIML practice greatly supports Buddhist practice and mental clarity in general.