Neuroses (kleshas, ongoing mistaken interpersonal interpretations) have a sort of ghostly power because they contain large dramatic components. We understand them in similar ways to how we understand people. Neuroses are like ghosts in our minds or superstitions. We treat them like personality traits and invent histories for them. We give them far more power than they deserve because we do not know how to get rid of them.
Neuroses can be thought of as a kind of super-level of language that defines chunks of speech or that interprets speech in a dramatic way. Neuroses are automatic interpretations that define how we use and understand language.
Once neuroses gain a life of their own, they are difficult to eradicate through traditional methods. If we meditate on them, we often increase their power. If we do a psychological investigation into their origins, we may similarly increase their power and rarely eradicate them. If we calmly deal with them during the dynamic moment by using FIML techniques with our partner, we will unhook them (the repository of them in memory or in our autobiography) from the dynamic moment. When we unhook a neurosis, or disentangle ourselves from it, it is as if we stop feeding a ghost.
Our minds are very efficient. If you can show your own mind (with the help of your partner) that your neurotic interpretation is a mistake, and if you can do this several times with the same neurosis, your mind will begin to forget that neurosis. It will stop using it because it can see that that interpretation is wrong.
With just a few good FIML examples, most neuroses will disappear. You may still retain a tendency to interpret things in that way, but a quick FIML query will stop the avalanche of neurotic feelings that had characterized your reactions in the past.
If we want to grow and learn, we must be able to change.
Deep change usually involves changing how we understand ourselves, changing our mental autobiography.
Deep change usually occurs due to interactions with other people.
We can achieve deep, satisfying change with our partner if we do FIML practice with them.
FIML frees partners from static and mistaken interpretations of each other. FIML allows us to change what we have said or heard and explain why. It helps us admit mistakes and explain how they occurred. It allows us to correct wrong interpretations in our own mind and in the mind of our partner.
Having a partner in FIML helps us check our work. If we spend long hours in solitary contemplation, we may still have no way to be sure we have reached sound conclusions. With a partner, we will be able to contemplate ourselves in a dynamic setting that also includes contemplation of our partner. We will both grow faster if we grow together.